MIL defies the laws of physics

MIL: "Its weird how you always see the lighting first and then you hear the thunder later.  I wonder why that is?"
Wife: "Light travels faster than sound."
MIL: "No way, not possible, you don't know what you're talking about."
Wife: "Why is it not possible?"
MIL: "You always say that you can hear me way before you see me."
Me: "You're mom has a point"
MIL: "Of course I do, I'm not an idiot like you."

Tie up the baby

MIL: "After the baby is born, for the first month you must always keep his hands tied together. 
Wife: Why? 
MIL: "So the baby doesn't try to grab everything...OBVIOUSLY." 

How to avoid a sore neck

"Pat the back of your pillow three times to avoid waking up with a sore neck."

How to have an silver baby.

"Don't eat the skin of the fish when you are pregnant.  If you do, your baby will be born with the same skin color as the fish that you ate."

Terrifying Creatures

MIL:  "Those creatures are terrifying.  The ones that make noise are the ones that love to attack humans.  We are all in serious danger. We need to leave now!"
Me:  "Geckos are harmless."
MIL:  "Only the quiet ones are harmless, those ones making noise are very dangerous. They have big teeth and strong jaws!"
Me:  "If you get attacked by a gecko here in Cambodia, I'll give you $100 for each one that attacks you."


*She is no longer scared of geckos, now she watches them almost like she is hoping they will all jump her.

**update 9/16/13 -  She has reverted to being scared of geckos.  Nothing we can say or do convinces her that they're not planning their attack on her.

That is why you are stupid

Mother-in-law talking to my wife:  "Since you've been pregnant, how many times have you fallen down on your stomach?  None?  Wow! When I was pregnant with you, I fell down a lot...that is probably part of the reason why you are so stupid." 

Ouch

Mother-in-law talking to my wife,  "Your husband met you and your best friend at the same time, right?  I really don't understand why he picked you."